It’s so difficult to put into words what I’m going through right now. I’m in a winter within a winter season if you know what I mean. On one hand, the breaking is,,, well, breaking me (physical toll) ,,, on the other hand it’s also breaking ego, which is good. Without being too cryptic and trying to wrap words around my experience,,, just struggling with digestive issues for over two years and now vision problems since the end of November,,, well, it's just plain difficult. I know other people are going through worse situations, but this is my pain, in my nerves, in my temple.
So much has been yanked from me and I don’t like it. I feel the breaking and if anything feels good about it, it’s the ego that’s shattering in the process. I feel like a plain flower growing in the shade behind a rock these days. Patience has never been my companion, but of late, she’s taken my hand and walking with me. The ego sulks. The dull flower thrives.
I’m handling these days with prayer and thanksgiving – I know my Savior is for me and loves me to the uttermost. I have to remind myself to focus on the things I can do, touch, taste, handle and see. I have to remind myself of all the gifts in my life,,, past, present and future.